Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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