tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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