WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
