Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hippo gnu deer
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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