Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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