Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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