the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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