i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
