He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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