I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
