i permit you to call me
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
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The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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