Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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