Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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