You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
