Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool