Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...