I'm eating all of the evidence.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
