i just wanna soil my oats bro
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
