none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
