Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
