I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
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You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
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As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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