trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
