let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
