You made me cry and you don't even care
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
