Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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