what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ladies don't puke and tell
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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