4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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