Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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