There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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