just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize