overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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