You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
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It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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