Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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