So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
