Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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