My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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