From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
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Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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