Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
