Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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