If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
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A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize