I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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