I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
