; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
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I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
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As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Will exercising make me less horny?
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