why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
