I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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