I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
