You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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