Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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