I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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