I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you would pick up someone in the library
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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