turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
