Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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