planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
