were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
