he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
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I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
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Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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