i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
