I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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