if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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