You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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