your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
