Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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